When I'm Emotional

I admit it. I am emotional. I'm a girl...so it's normal right. Well my emotions came to the surface recently on two separate occasions. The first was yesterday. I was filling out forms to register Cali for Kindergarten in Kingwood, TX (yes, we're moving...details in another post). Which shouldn't seem too emotional as I had already done this for her school in San Antonio. Then I get to the part about allergies and fill out the info that she has a peanut allergy. Nothing unusual...just like the other forms. However this one had me check a box to say whether or not she must sit at an allergy free table. Now all along, I knew that she probably would have to do this...but for whatever reason checking the box made it all too real, and I began to cry. I couldn't bring myself to check it...though I know I probably will have to--to prevent her from exchanging food with others. I wondered what this would do to her. Would she be alone? Would kids tease her or make her feel bad for being different? My heart went out to her, and I sobbed for her. She has always handled her peanut allergy very well...only on a few occasions have I ever seen her truly hurt because of it. I just don't want her to feel that everyday. I'm sure it'll be fine. There will probably be others like her, probably ones with worse allergies. And I'm sure she'll still have plenty of friends. I just can't believe what a simple check the box can do to me.

The second instance was today. The kids and I were having a normal day sitting at the table eating cereal for breakfast. I look over at Trent and he has his hands on his mouth with a distressed look on his face. I figure he just bit his tongue and I'm waiting in anticipation of his delayed cry that he gives when he's hurt. No sound. Silence. I ask him if he's okay. Silence. His eyes are now full of terror. I slightly panic and tell him to talk and tell me if he's okay as I'm flashing back to my 5th grade Health class. Silence. That's when I realize he can't talk...he's choking...really choking...not the something is stuck and I can still cough to get it out. I jump out of my chair. I grab his shoulders and my first inclination is to pat his back. (Apparantly the can you speak part is ingrained enough and not the heimlich part) But just as I'm about to do this...his mouth opens with some cereal, and he begins to cry. I'm not sure what happened: if it went down or came up. There was no coughing or sound. Now just his cries and his "I was choking. I couldn't talk." That's when I lost it and began to cry.